Swimming Lessons

                                                    
                                                         
                                                                SWIMMING LESSONS


                                               
                                                         
                                                                   I found myself


     Floating in the abyss, wafting in the ripples of your love, drifting on the taste of your tongue     

    And I began to wonder

                                      What if; I drown?



    Comforted in the cocoon in the possibility I realized there is no safety net

     And trust is my only life jacket.



   I wrapped myself in a cloak of preservation, for which I had not yet been fitted.

      
And instead of saving me,
                                          It chaffed into my skin and punctured my heart.
                                   


    Guided by the melody of vocal instruction, I learned to bend and twist accordingly

                   Breast-stroke, back-stroke, butterfly.



               All the while I held my breath in anticipation

                        Of knowing that you wanted to keep me from dying

                             As much as I wanted to risk my life for you.



My limbs lengthened, grew heavy and expelled strength as if to honor my resilience.

  
             Cool water and gentle winds transformed into ocean waves, cyclones, and created

                        An emotional hurricane.



 I panicked as the sharpness in my chest and throbbing in my head revealed the undeniable truth.

                            I.  Was. Sinking.

                                                             

                                  Into you.

                                                       Through you.

                                                                           Because of  You.

                            

                            The one who taught me to snorkel through the barrier reef of courage.

                                                        You,

                         Who helped me surf the rushing, roaring, raging currents of emotion.

                                                        You,

                                  The one who should have been.

                                                          You,

                                        The one I hoped would be


                                                   My Lifeguard.