To All The Girls I Never Loved Before

I suppose I could blame it on my youth or ignorance.

I could tell you about the fear; how I allowed it to paralyze me into denial.


But you were right there in the middle of it, weren't you? 

By my side, in my thoughts, tip-toeing around my heart

Hoping to salvage the bridge I was always ready to ignite.


Yet with each kiss and hand snaked around my waist, I still winced at the first flutter of butterflies.

Dancing. Teasing. Announcing our shared joy.


You were a gift, wrapped so beautifully. You came to me, your energy was like
that first inhale after reaching a mountain top.


I wasn't ready. 

For the wave, the transfer, for the thunder. For you.

I'm sorry.

For trying to repave our paths. We both deserved freedom over fright.
But authenticity can feel like fragility.

So I thought I was being strong when I walked away.

We could have run. Together.
You had wings agile enough for both of us.

I regret. 

I pray the next moment in time is not stifled by flashbacks.
I hope I recognize community in a lover, or three. 

Love is.

 I am. 

Abundance, in motion.


The strength, the protection, the faith, is in we.


Maybe the universe will offer one more chance,

and you will be within reach again.

And if not, 

Please promise that our memory will forever be suspended in bliss.